goatboy and
the music machines

a documentary by Randy A. Riddle


Ida, the Wayward Sturgeon

written and performed by Dwight Fiske
Fiskana 36100-A

Recording from the Goatboy collection, transcription by Goatboy

Real Audio excerpt from "Ida, The Wayward Sturgeon"  

Real Audio - full version of "Ida, The Wayward Sturgeon" (5 mins.)  

Ida was just a little wayward sturgeon. She thought there must be more to this sex life than swimming around each other's eggs. "I'm going to find out for myself!" she said.  

So, she went upstairs and put a little badge on her right shoulder which read: "I Will Share". The she slipped down the back stairs into the Gulf stream and drifted up with the crowd. And what a crowd! All the Barracudas were out, a couple of sharks, and a little weak fish, swimming backwards. Now Ida drifted through all this nonsense until she came to Palm Beach where she ran into Bertha, a Deep-sea Bass. Bertha tried everyghing twice and hated it. But being a Deep-sea Bass, she though she would try again, which shows just how foolish fish can be from time to time.  

Now, she hadn't seen Ida since she was a little bit of an egg, and she said, "Ida! A girl with a face and figure like yours ought to DO things and GO places. Why don't you go down to the Gulf stream, where fish are fish!"  

Ida said, "Okay." She was only twelve.  

So, she went into an old fashioned nose-dive right down to the bottom of the Gulf stream. She never had seen sooo many daring exposures. She hit her head on a great big coral palace, almost as big as the Breakers Hotel. Fish were doing things that only fish could only do in Florida and get away with. Ida was dying for an affair, but she only had on an old sports suit. Even when she did her bubbles, no one lookd. And she did looovely bubbles. She could do them standing up or sitting down, she didn't care in the slightest. But, everybody was way beyond bubbles. So feeling very sad and sexy, she swam away.  


Now she hadn't gone very far, when she came to an information booth with a mother-of-pearl front. On the door, it said, "LOVE FOR SALE, APPETIZING YOUNG LOVE FOR SALE". Ida swam right in, and there on an old oyster bed telling a whole group of fish how to be GAY, was the world's oldest living mermaid. It was really Fanny Bored. Ida could see she had the face of a child, but that was all. But Fanny was no fool. She hadn't lived through three generations for nothing withough changing her expression.  

"Now, Ida, you throw yourself right down on that 'park here' barnacles, I'll put in a couple of calls and we'll have some fun!"  

That was Fanny all over -- fun.  

Now downstairs in the basement with the radio turned on was old Tristan Wizenstein, the octopus, exercising his sixteen killer legs. One the end of each toe was a little suction pump, an invention of his own. In the midst of a most complicated one man adagio, the telephone rang. It was Fanny.  

"Hurry up here, Tristan, I want you to work on a little fish called Ida. She's going to lay an egg today, only she doesn't know it!"  

Now Ida was just beginning to feel the points of the barnacles when suddenly she found herself in a terrifying embrace. Tristan was on all sides, his invention going like mad...and then, she fainted. She didn't know a thing until she heard Fanny say:  

"My GOD Ida! You've SHARED! It's CAVIAR!"