are some of the more humorous excerpts from Ray's autobiography.
If you are a publisher interested in examining the manuscript for possible
publication, please send an email to email@example.com.
Rudolph Valentino and Gloria Swanson
from a chapter on Ray's experiences at Paramount studios in the 1920s:
Gloria Swanson and Rudolph Valentino were making a picture called "Beyond
the Rocks". They were shooting most of it on a yacht in Catalina
bay. They tried the first few days with the stock girls, but theyíd
get too seasick and just couldnít make it. Finally, Bill Boyd and
myself were called with one of the other stock men and we had to play
very English ladies on the yacht.
To say the least, the picture was a stinker. Swanson and Valentino hated
each other. They both hated the director. And the director hated them
and everyone else because he was so seasick. Heíd spend half of
his time bent double over the rail.
Gloria Swanson was holding her own in the seasickness department and so
was Valentino. I knew Valentino was going to do something to upset Swanson
? I could tell by his expression. I had worked in several other pictures
with him and I was fully aware of his sense of humor.
One mid-afternoon came the big love scene between Swanson and Valentino,
on the deck, both leaning against the rail. They moved in for the kiss.
Swanson broke away screaming and swearing about Valentino eating so much
garlic that she couldnít get her breath. Bill Boyd and myself walked
away quickly -- we didn't dare let them see us laughing.
Shortly, everything quieted down. Swanson and Valentino went to their
respective rooms and the makeup men made the repairs.
However, Valentino took some limburger cheese and rubbed it all around
his mouth. Then, he wiped off just enough so that the stink would stay.
He was powdered down and he and Swanson were ready to try the scene again.
The director had them move into position and started the scene. They moved
slowly to each other -- then, the kiss.
Swanson started trying to break away from Valentino. The harder she fought,
the more tightly he held her. She finally broke away and heaved all over
Valentino and herself. He let go of her. I thought for a moment she was
going all the way over the rail. I've never seen anyone that sick -- Valentino
was covered with vomit, from his collar right on down to the deck. But,
he didn't loose his reserve. He just turned away from her and went to
his room. Bill Boyd looked at me, then we both made a rush for the rail.
Now, it was our turn to be sick.
Swanson slowly raised up, turned around, and got her breath. She was screaming
"It's not bad enough with the garlic -- now he's been eating SHIT!" she screamed as she went back over the rail.
That was the last day they tried to shoot any more scenes on the yacht.
The director ordered the yacht back to Long Beach and they finished the
picture in the studio.
Ray Describes Josephine Baker's Show
In the 1930's, Ray shared billing with Josephine Baker in the Follies
Bergere. Here, he describes seeing the show for the first time shortly
after his arrival in Paris with his piano accompanist, Duke.
The Follies was the typical wonderful, vulgar, hilarious, magnificent,
brilliant, naked, robust show it always was. In the middle of the first
act, there were some of the most hilarious scenes I’ve ever seen
in any theatre. In any other country, they would have been considered
sacrilegious, but, the French being what they are, it was funny to them
and the audience thought so, too.
There was a scene where two alter boys are trying to decide what to do
at a charity social that was being given. The young priest hears them
talking and offers his help. They proceeded to do a song and dance that,
without doubt, could have never been done anywhere in the world but Paris.
They did this difficult step, turned their backs to the audience and the
two boys didn’t have a stitch on under their costume. The priest
had on knee-length bloomers with a large red heart with an arrow through
it sewn on the seat of the bloomers.
I thought for a moment that I was going to have to fan Duke. I’ve
never heard such laughter out of anyone. The audience was in the same
condition as Duke and me.
On the back of every seat there were small opera glasses. You could put
a coin in the slot so you could bring the people on stage within a few
inches of your eyes. Of course, the glasses were attached to a small chain
so they couldn’t be taken out of the theatre. When the girls came
down the long, winding flight of steps with nothing on but feathers on
their heads and jewel pumps on their feet, every pair of glasses in the
house was in use.
Josephine Baker was the most sensational thing I’d seen in years.
Her entrance was breath taking. She came down a wide, white Baroque staircase
in back-center stage. She was wrapped in a white fox coat, the skins running
length-wise, dragging six feet behind her. The sleeves of the coat dragged
as far back as the coat did.
When she slowly came down front and center stage, she opened the coat
with her arms held high in the air over her head. All she had on was a
tiny jeweled crotch cover, tiny jeweled pasties on the ends of her breasts,
and jeweled five inch heels on her jeweled pumps. On her head was a black
jeweled cone with white feathers and a huge spray from the top of the
cone. Her Black body looked like polished ebony against all that snow-white
The ovation was thunderous. I actually felt presumptuous demanding equal
billing with this woman. However, I had known Josephine when she was a
chorus girl in a sensational Negro musical called “Blackbirds”.
Noble and Sissle were the stars and Florence Mills co-starred. Josephine
was just a chorus girl who had big ambition and an even larger amount
Jean Barries and the Elephant
from Ray's experiences in Vaudeville:
One of the things that happened in Boston was quite an experience. The
weather was atrocious – trains were late and five of the acts didn’t
arrive in time, so they canceled the matinee. The piano player and I went
to Loew’s State. Loew’s only used five acts with the picture
and three shows a day
Jean Barries was headlining the bill. Jean was a good female impersonator
from San Francisco and a big name in show business. He headlined every
theatre he played and was next to closeing. On this bill with Jean was
the "Powers Elephants", five of the biggest elephants in the
world and all highly trained. They followed Jean.
The elephant trainer and handler had forgotten to take big Roxy in the
alley and let her urinate before the show. As Jean was making an exit,
he was backing offstage and Roxy was backing on. The audience was in hysterics
– Jean thought the audience was going wild for him, but they were
screaming at the big elephant ass slowly backing in sight on the stage.
Just as Jean hit his high note, came the deluge. It looked like a brown
Niagra Falls, right on top of Jean. After the water, came the manure.
By that time the water had hit the footlights and had blown every fuse
in the theatre. The emergency light came on. Water was running into the
orchestra pit – the drummer had been in the deluge also.
There stood Jean, covered with everything an elephant can let loose after
not having gone for about six hours. People were laying in the aisles
screaming and howling with laughter. I was just numb. This had been years
ago and I still laugh.
The Boston newspapers had the wildest review of the happening. One of
the newsmen said he felt the same way about the act, but couldn’t
express himself as well as the elephant had.